Copycat

Following the carnage of breakfast this morning I settled down on the floor with a book as my son engaged in his usual 'Independent Learning' slot.  He's at the exploratory age.  So far this week I've fished farm animals out of the bin, nappies out of the shower, swiftly rescued a glass mixing bowl from being thrown across the room [mental note: keep breakables in a higher cupboard] and watched my mother run round after him in the garden frantically repeating, 'Darling they're bees.  They don't like being picked up.  Let's just put them back on the flower.'

Anyway, today's activity was 'remove all the books from the bookshelf, carry them across the room and give them to mummy'.  But after a while my son grew bored of this, so settled himself on the floor next to me, picked up the nearest book and started to 'read'.

I'm a firm believer in gender-neutral clothes - besides, the bottoms aren't pink.  They're salmon.

Engrossed in my book I didn't really think too much about this and murmured, 'Good reading poppet.  Well done'. But eventually it dawned on me: he was simply copying me.  He didn't really know why he was doing it or to what purpose, and I doubt whether he really enjoyed it - after all N T Wright is fairly readable, but there's a surprising absence of pictures... But he saw me reading and thought, 'Hmmm.  Maybe I'll give this a try'.

That's how a lot of learning is done (so I'm told).  Simply seeing other people do things and copying them.  We're not born instinctively knowing how to read or walk or tell a joke.  We need to learn.

The same is true when we become Christians.  The moment we embrace Jesus and all that he's done for us we become new people - but we still have the same personalities and life challenges.  We need to learn how to become more like Jesus.  And each new stage in life requires new skills to be learnt.  I got pretty good at living a Christian life as a young singleton, but now that I'm a mother I've suddenly got a whole new heap of challenges: how do I do this with a young person attached to me 24-7?  What does  grace look like in the face of a bedtime tantrum? How can I have time alone with God when my son needs constant entertaining?

Much of what I've learnt about how to be a Christian has come from watching other Christians who've been doing this a lot longer than me.  Here's a few examples:

- I used to work as an assistant to a vicar.  One of the things that stuck out most from my time working with him was his asking me to cancel his Saturday newspaper subscription because he felt he was wasting too much time at the weekend reading it.  He wasn't saying that all weekend papers are bad, rather demonstrating that he was prepared to take drastic steps - no matter how counter-cultural - in order to totally pursue all that God wanted for him.

- as a teenager I got to know a young family at my church.  Her parents weren't Christians and so whenever the boys went on sleepovers to Grandma's house they would take with them a teddy that said prayers to play before they went to sleep.  This couple managed to navigate the tricky path of not asking her parents to do something they weren't comfortable with, alongside their desire to raise their children knowing and loving Jesus.  They kept their integrity.

And the lessons I've learnt have not always been from Christians alive today.  I love the story of Susanna Wesley.  She had 19 children (including John and Charles who went on to found the Methodist movement) and had a rule that if she sat down with her apron over her head it meant that she was praying and didn't want to be disturbed, thus proving that time with God can be made no matter how many children you have!

We wouldn't expect our children to learn everything without help, nor should we expect ourselves to get everything right the first time.  We need to watch how others do it.  As the Apostle Paul said, 'Follow me as I follow the example of Christ' 1 Corinthians 11:1  He wasn't saying that he'd got it all sorted, but simply that he'd be doing this stuff longer and therefore the Christians in the church at Corinth could learn stuff from watching his example.

We don't need to have all the solutions.  We can copy others.

Elijah's top tip

If you asked me who in the bible offers great advice to parents, the prophet Elijah would not have been my first choice.  Or second.  Until this morning.

Yesterday I read about one of Elijah's greatest triumphs.  After correctly predicting a three year drought, Elijah invites the entire nation of Israel to a spiritual show-down.  Tired of their flitting between the pagan gods Baal and Asherah, Elijah throws down the gauntlet.  "Let's build two altars", suggests Elijah.  "The prophets of Baal and Asherah can build one and I'll build the other.  We'll then put meat on the altars and pray.  Whichever god answers with fire, will be the true god of the nation of Israel."  After a lengthy blood bath (literally: the 800 other prophets spent a long time cutting themselves in an attempt to have their god answer) Elijah prays to the Lord and he is answered with huge amounts of fire.  The people repent, turn back to God and a spiritual revival happens courtesy of Elijah and his faith.

You'd think that Elijah would be feeling pretty good about himself.  And pretty secure in his faith.  Here was absolute proof that God heard him and was alive and active.

And yet.  On hearing that her 800 prophets had been killed following their failure to call down heavenly fire, Queen Jezebel sends a death threat to Elijah.  And what does he do?  Runs off in to the desert, throws himself on the ground and asks God to kill him (I'm serious - read 1 Kings 19:3-4).

Why on EARTH was Elijah behaving so irrationally? God had just proved that he could do anything - even send down fire.  The ENTIRE nation was on his side.  And yet at a single sentence from a woman, he buckles physically and emotionally.

I think the clue to Elijah's behaviour lies in the previous chapter.  Elijah was ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED.  He had just survived a three year drought and famine.  Whilst hiding in a desert.  And being continually hunted by the king.  Add to that the fact that he'd just completed a 17 mile run in record breaking time (and in a rainstorm), and you've got one bone-weary prophet.

I can relate to Elijah.  Not in the calling-down-fire from heaven sense, but just in the 'I AM ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED ALL THE TIME' bit.  For the past 25 months my body and my life has not been my own.  I have been pummelled, stretched (literally and metaphorically), sleep-deprived and on an emotional roller coaster.  Every day I lift about 12 kilograms every few minutes.  And to top it all off I can no longer watch or read anything which has children/pets/emotional music/or references to parents without completely breaking down and sobbing.

So what did Elijah do?  He got on his own and poured it all out to God.  Everything that he was feeling.  And he didn't try to hide anything, justify anything or even apologise for anything.  He just said, 'This is how I'm feeling God.  And it absolutely sucks.'

Elijah realised that God alone has the wisdom to fully understand what we're feeling and to know what we need.  In Elijah's case is was magnificently simple: take a nap and have some food.  Then take another nap and have some more food.  He didn't offer Elijah theological treatise on why he didn't need to be afraid of Jezebel.  He didn't rebuke Elijah for his lack of faith.  And he didn't offer commiserations.  Sleep and eat.  Sleep and eat.  And that so revived Elijah that he was able to set off for 40 days on a pilgrimage!

So that's Elijah's top tip to parents (and actually to everyone).  Be honest with God.  He knows just what you need.  And remember: it's often alarmingly simple.