Banana skins

A few weeks ago I was sitting reading my book when I suddenly realised I couldn't hear anything.  This is never good in a house containing a toddler.  I jumped up and found my son sitting on our kitchen floor surrounded by the contents of our bin and happily munching a banana skin.

Sighing I reached out to remove it from his mouth.  He found this unacceptable.  And I would imagine the following thoughts (were he capable of thinking in coherent sentences) went through his mind:

"Why would mummy not want me to eat this?  It looks like a banana.  It tastes like a banana.  Bananas are good.  Why can't I keep this one?  Why is mummy being so mean?  Doesn't she love me?  Doesn't she pander to my every request and voluntarily give me bananas?  Doesn't she want me to be happy?  She is a mean mummy.  And I intend to express my displeasure now by screaming, then going rigid and then sulking.  And nothing is going to stop me from demonstrating - ooh?  What's that?  A wooden spoon AND a saucepan lid?  How exciting!  I wonder what will happen if I..."

What my son couldn't understand is that whilst he found something that looked like it might satisfy in the same way his breakfast bananas do, it was actually merely a shell.  It contained very little of substance and it was never going to give him what he actually wanted.  It was never going to build him up and, if chewed on for too long, would have made him feel pretty ill.

It seems so obvious and yet all too often I find myself behaving in the same way. Being a stay-at-home mum is pretty exhausting.  In those rare moments when my son is napping or otherwise occupied by kitchenware, it can be so tempting to metaphorically (and literally) snack on anything that's going to give me a bit of light relief.  When I feel lonely, I turn to Facebook.  When I want escapism I browse i-player or dig out an old Agatha Christie.  If I feel my life lacks glamour (a pretty perpetual problem when you're usually covered in food or snot) I whip out Hello! magazine. And yes, when I want a shot of energy I reach for a chocolate bar.  Or two.

These things all have their place.  And I'm certainly not suggesting these things are bad - sometimes they're just the ticket to keep us sane.  But I know that if I live on these things alone pretty soon my energy levels are going to fail and I'm going to feel disillusioned about life.

And so at present I'm trying to occasionally slip in some nourishing 'real banana'.  Instead of always watching a film when I iron, I might occasionally watch a sermon (it's not that holy - there are some really good ones out there.  Honest.  Try HTB's website as a starting point...).  Sometimes I'll read something other than a novel - previous posts will tell you that I'm a big fan of Eugene Peterson.  And then of course there's always the Bible as a good antidote to the fake glamour of Hello!...

It's slow going.  [And just in case you're rolling your eyes imagining that I'm some holier-than-thou idiot, I spent this morning at the cinema while my son was at the childminder.  It was amazing.  Even if I did get some strange looks from the rest of the school-age cinema goers...]  Banana skins are easy and accessible and sometimes downright fun.  But you know what?  I find I'm a better mum when I'm not so ravenous.  And that's true both metaphorically and literally.